oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
