so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
