theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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