she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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