she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
