haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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