I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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