That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
