he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dicks are not precious.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
