my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
