goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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