it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
