I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
