His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
