took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
