Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
