Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
