i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
