Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
