Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
