I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
