rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
