I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
