Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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