I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
