btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
