The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm at about main and main street
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
