Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
