You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
