So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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