I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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