just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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