i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
