I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
