I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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