I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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