This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
