R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
