fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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