I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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