She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
