I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
