now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
should my penis look like a turkey
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
