Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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