You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
