she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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