I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
