I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
