I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
