Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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