she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
