nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
