so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
